Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize