I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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