They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
