we have officially lost it.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
