It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
