i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
