Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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