I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
