but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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