dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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