he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
