Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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