the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Holy shit dude........stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
