Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
