I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
