I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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