You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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