You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
