I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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