another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
