trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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