Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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