I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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