My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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