If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
