We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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