I'm so fucking centered right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
try to milk me bitch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
