If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
