finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
