Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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