How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
