He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
