I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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