She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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