your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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