Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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