At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
