i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize