i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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