Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I deserve this hangover.
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