like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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