I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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