ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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