He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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