I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize