is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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