what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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