He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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