Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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