they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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