My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've blown a few things in my day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
