Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
