Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
