the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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