atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
