she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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