I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
