The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Pants are for mortals
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
