You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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