You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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