I am spending my child support on dildos
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
