Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sex in a hospital.. check
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize