just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
