Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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