The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
