im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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