How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
