every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
