did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
